For too long, women have been conditioned to see fitness as a way to “get smaller.” We’re surrounded by messaging about shrinking, losing, lengthening, and “toning” — all coded language encouraging us to make ourselves less. But what if the real path to power, confidence, and longevity is the exact opposite: getting stronger, not skinnier?
On a recent episode of the Menopause Mastery Podcast, host Dr. Betty Murray sat down with Annemarie Checker, Wall Street Journal journalist and author of Lift: How Women Can Reclaim Their Physical Power and Transform Their Lives. Together, they explored how weightlifting — and the mindset shift from “losing” to “gaining” — can revolutionize women’s health, especially in midlife and menopause.
Let’s dive into why muscle — not thinness — is the goal you should be chasing, what history tells us about strong women, and how you can start building strength today, no matter your age or starting point.
The Skinny Myth: How Did We Get Here?
Most women grew up absorbing messages that worth equals thinness. “We learn there are moments that, you know, where the shit really hits the fan, you know, and life gets really, really hard and we need to, like, just gotta step up to the moment,” Annemarie Checker shared. “And the cool thing about weightlifting… my whole life I had always thought of exercise and fitness and wellness as, like, a way to reduce yourself.”
This is more than just marketing. As Dr. Murray and Annemarie discuss, the obsession with being thin is relatively new in human history. Patriarchal culture reinforces the idea that women are meant to be “seen, not heard,” and that our bodies’ main purpose is to fit a narrow standard of beauty.
Annemarie’s research reveals that the “skinny” ideal has surged during times of growing female power — like the flapper era after women won the vote, Twiggy during the feminist waves of the ’60s, and “heroin chic” in the power-suited ’80s. Each is a backlash against women stepping into new roles. Society’s answer? Try to shrink women back into their place.
Women’s True Roots: We Are Built to Be Strong
But that’s not the story of the women who came before us. Anthropology tells a different tale. Annemarie points to ground-breaking research that compared ancient women’s bones to those of elite athletes today. The result? Early women were “the size of elite rowers today with their developed upper bodies.” In other words, prehistoric women were muscular, strong, and endlessly capable.
Our ancestors weren’t sitting on the sidelines. “They were working their asses off,” Annemarie says. They farmed, lifted, hunted, hoisted children — and their bodies reflect that physical power. In fact, the societal expectation that women be delicate and small is only about 150 years old. For millennia before that? Women were strong, badass contributors to their families and tribes.
Why Muscle Matters: The Evidence for Strength at Every Age
If history tells us our bodies are meant for muscle, modern science shows why it matters more than ever, especially as we age.
1. Bone Health & Longevity
Muscle cushions and supports bones, helping to stave off osteoporosis and decrease the risk of falls and fractures — the leading reason older women end up in the hospital. And lifting weights doesn’t just build muscle; it stimulates bone growth, making it a double win.
2. Metabolism Booster
After 40, women naturally lose muscle, which slows metabolism and leads to unwanted weight gain (often called “menopause belly”). Strength training reverses this loss, helping women maintain a healthy weight without endless cardio or starvation diets.
3. Hormonal & Emotional Wellbeing
Lifting weights does more than transform your body. As Annemarie found, it dramatically improved her mood, confidence, and even resilience in the face of life’s challenges. It’s physical therapy and mental therapy in one.
4. Functional Independence
Strong women move through the world with fewer limitations. Whether it’s picking up grandchildren, hiking mountains, or simply carrying groceries, muscle means independence.
Myth Busting: Will I Get “Bulky”?
Here’s an enduring myth — and one that keeps many women from ever touching a dumbbell. “Am I going to get bulky?” The answer, as both Dr. Murray and Annemarie reassure: no. Most women do not have nearly enough testosterone to build large, bodybuilder-style muscles. What you will get is a sleeker, more shaped body, better posture, and increased strength. Actual “bulking” is extremely hard work that most women will not accidentally achieve.
Making Strength Training Work for Real Life
You don’t need to become a bodybuilder or live at the gym to reap these benefits. Annemarie recommends shifting your mindset around self-care: “Just working on this for 30 minutes… maybe three times a week, you will be doing so much good for your body and your mind and your soul.”
Tips to Get Started:
- Find Your Starting Point – Whether at home or the gym, start with what you have. Two dumbbells, resistance bands, or even a couple of soup cans can be enough.
- Think in Threes – Begin with 3 exercises (chest, back, legs), 3 sets of 10 reps, 3 times a week.
- Push to Fatigue – The goal isn’t endless repetitions with light weights. Pick a weight that feels hard by the last couple of reps. Fatigue is your friend.
- Focus on Progress, Not Perfection – The body you have today is powerful. Enjoy the journey — every few weeks, add a little weight, try a new move, or celebrate simply showing up.
- Protein is Your Building Block – To maximize muscle gains, protein matters. Annemarie recommends about one gram of protein per pound of ideal body weight per day, with special attention to getting enough at breakfast and dinner — especially critical for midlife women.
Changing the Narrative for Ourselves and the Next Generation
The benefits of this mindset shift aren’t just for us. As Annemarie reflects, our daughters need to see that “strong is normal.” Instead of passing on the message that jeans not fitting is bad, celebrate that it’s because of powerful quads. Let’s replace negative self-talk and diet obsession with pride in feeding and fueling our bodies for strength.
Embracing Muscle as a Form of Feminine Power
Ready to reclaim your roots and build your strongest self? Strength training is about so much more than esthetics. As Annemarie Checker discovered, it’s the key to confidence, a better mood, and even unexpected boosts in motivation and capability — at work, at home, and throughout life.
Muscle is the foundation for a long, healthy, and empowered life. So let’s stop shrinking ourselves, and start growing — in muscle, power, and self-worth.
Want to dig deeper? Annemarie Checker’s book, “Lift: How Women Can Reclaim Their Physical Power and Transform Their Lives,” is a must-read for women of all ages. And for support through perimenopause and beyond, tune in to every episode of the Menopause Mastery Podcast.